“The Leaver”
I hate to leave you here-
I see you standing as I steer.
The life I have to leave-
The memories that were once weaved.
My house is your house now-
Don’t forget me- you don’t know how.
I feel you in my bones-
Your voice and face are on my phone.
You once asked me to choose-
And man, I told you you would lose.
“The Left”
You left on a random
Tuesday
The clouds were weeping, coloring me
grey.
You left me standing there hollow-
eyed
And I felt a part of myself
die.
I replay our last
embrace
How I felt your shoulder on my
face.
I think I’ve seen this scene
before
And I knew I wouldn’t be able to do this
anymore.
But you looked back-
They never look back.
What am I supposed to do with that?
“The Realization”
Todays the day that I lose everything
You’re half my heart, my lungs, my soul, my peace
Now you’re so far away but still I cling.
The memory of you- there’s no release
It’s part my fault for taking up your lease,
Now I can’t even take this person home
Your couch, your walls, your floor- they scream at me
I push them away, another date blown
Their face is not the one I want to see
Please tell me how to make this feeling flee.
But then I had a realization-
I don’t want anybody else but you
What is this terrifying sensation?
Could it be- I am in love with you.
“The Repression”
My sister keeps insisting I call you
But calling would mean admitting something-
Something I am not ready to tell you.
Our connection is too rare to undue
I am afraid of what my words might mean
But my sister insists that I call you.
You feel disconnected, and I do too
But I cannot bring myself to come clean
This is something I can never tell you.
I try to move on, and meet someone new
But you and I had become so routine.
My sister’s still insisting I call you.
I distract myself, and go to the zoo
And while pressing my head against the screen,
I tell the birds what I cannot tell you
You’re unaware, but you’ve colored me blue
I’m afraid letting you go will kill me.
So tonight, I suppose I will call you
And reveal what I’ve been keeping from you.
“The Last Time”
Today marks four months since you went away
I’ve given up on trying to feel better since you’ve been gone
I know I’ve been lying and saying that I’m okay
But I’m having more trouble than I thought with moving on
You said something- and I know you didn’t mean it that way
But it has been in the back of my head, keeping me up till dawn
I made you the villain for moving on
And I know it’s not fair of me to think that way
But I still see your shadow, even when you’re gone
I told myself if in time, if this feeling didn’t go away
I would forget about it, let it float away with the dawn
And that way I would eventually be okay
But now you’ve come back my way
Standing on my porch at the brink of dawn
You never called and asked if this was okay
Now how do you expect me to move on?
I should turn you down, push you away
But I don’t really want you gone
You make casual talk, ask if I’ve been okay
But that’s a touchy subject to begin on
That feeling left the moment you got away
Packed your bags as you rode into the dawn
I told you if I could, I would have had it my way
And you would have never been gone
I can’t find the words, so we talk until dawn
I slowly let the words find their way
And you let me ramble on
For the first time I feel like it’s going to be okay
For the first time since you’ve been gone
And I feel myself slowly start to slip away
You said you thought about me when you were gone
And that nothing about it felt okay
You said you couldn’t find your new dawn
Because the only one you wanted was far away
There was nothing you could do to move on
I became a ghost, haunting you in a way
I know that we had both gone our separate way
And we both agreed moving on would be okay
But as dawn lingers, I realize this is the last time I want you to be away.