As I sat on my couch looking at the pictures that were now memories
The thoughts of the past came rushing through my mind
Reminding me of the old times I held in my heart unknowingly.
I smiled, then let out a little laugh
Cause it’s funny right?
It’s funny how one time you’re like “ahh it’s just a place”
years later you’re like “Oh…. that’s the place.”
How that one picture you begged that it gets deleted
is the one you’re holding on like dear life.
Funny how anything that reminds you of home
seems like a lost gold.
So rare to find but precious to miss.
A new place is like a thief that robs you of
everything that you used to be.
And before you know it you start to sit tight,
upright and wonder
Why?
Why is it that I can’t just loosen up a bit
and be who I am
Or maybe who I used to be.
Not being ungrateful for the present
But it’s like the past is still haunting me?
My mind is just filled with thoughts of
“THE GOOD OLD DAYS”
I hope it’s just a phase.
I hope that all this will fade
And I won’t be afraid
Afraid of what’s next.
Cause I don’t really know what’s
going on anymore.
I wonder if I’m homesick or just sick of
being the stranger.
Sick of longing for something familiar in
this unfamiliar place.
Sick of searching for cows in kennels.
Sick of just hoping things will get better
Sick of the thought that all I can do
Is just tell myself that
Maybe,
Maybe there’ll be a time when this place will
feel like home.
When I’ll be the person that I used to be.
Familiar with the unfamiliar
At least be strange but not the stranger.
Create moments that will turn into memories.
A time when the thought of
Home is not as painful but grateful
for keeping the best moments
Of my childhood.
But until then…
I’ll just sit on my couch, still looking
at the pictures that were once
Moments but now memories.
